you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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