we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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