yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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