You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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