So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
