sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
