dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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