So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
