maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
