okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
