guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
