bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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