Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
