And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
