I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
