In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
