you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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