That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
