My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
