seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just invented taco cereal.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
