ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
