so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
