Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
