Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
