O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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