just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
