he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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