In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
