I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
