chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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