i think my mom watched the whole time
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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