"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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