Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
