new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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