Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
