You smell like stripper and shame
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
