Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
