I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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