But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
