you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
