My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
