Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
