as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
