Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
