i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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