I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
