who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
