I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
