just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's blow job season.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
