ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
